"A Man’s Heart Plans His Way, But The Lord Directs His Steps" - Proverbs 16, 9

A week ago, I attended the ordination of my former classmates from seminary. I would have been ordained a priest with them, and it was a moment of great joy for me. I am confident that each of them will be good priests and will have the courage to serve every person they encounter. I am very happy for them, and I wish them success in their pastoral ministry. Each one of them comes to the priesthood with his own story. They are aware of their joys and sorrows, which they surrendered to God when they laid down their lives before the altar. Now, as I often say, they have a key to open the heart of each person and bring God’s comforting presence.

In the midst of so much happiness, many people approached me and asked how I felt during the ceremony. Some would say, “You could have been there!” Others commented, “Wow, you would already be a priest!” I myself was surprised when I saw my friends processing into the cathedral for Mass. I tried to picture myself with the group and wondered how it would have been. However, I found myself at peace, and I realized that I am truly experiencing God’s peace. For this reason, I thought it would be good to write about my journey and the blessings and challenges of this decision in my life.

I will not deny that when I entered the seminary, I looked forward to 2019—the year I would become a priest. However, I have realized that in my immaturity, I had already traced my own path, but God ended up directing my steps and continues to do so even now.

The decision to leave the seminary was not an easy one, nor did it come quickly. It took me about a year to affirm my intentions and organize my thoughts. I listened patiently to the opinions of several priests, formators, and fellow seminarians, all of which I took into account. It was very helpful to receive feedback, especially while exploring the pros and cons of continuing on that path. Still, even while listening to others, I knew that listening to God’s voice in my heart was most important.

Honestly, it was very difficult to accept that God’s voice was leading me out into the world, and I was afraid. I had mixed emotions, but I asked myself: if I could not trust God speaking directly to me, how could I claim to listen to Him through others? Although I loved seminary life, I was afraid to leave what was familiar and comfortable. I was filled with doubt and asked myself: What am I good at? What will I do for a living? Will I be successful? What am I truly searching for? What if I discover that God is calling me to another way of life? What if I discover that God is truly calling me back to the priesthood?

Amid all these questions, the time came to trust God with my whole heart. Even when some people challenged me and questioned my discernment, I trusted that God was speaking to me. I was grateful for their challenges, yet I believed that if they were truly from God, He would communicate them to me in prayer. I constantly asked the Lord if this was what He wanted, and in the silence of prayer, I heard His calm and gentle voice saying yes.

One day, while we were at Mass in the seminary chapel, I looked around and, as I watched the priests, I realized that the priesthood is truly a gift from Jesus. I understood that the priesthood was not mine, but His; therefore, it would come to me at the right time—if that was God’s will for my life. At that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace regarding my decision. I discovered that everything is a gift from God, and His gifts always lead to happiness. Saying no to the seminary helped me clarify my intentions and live a more authentic relationship with God and others. Saying no to the priesthood—for now—opened my heart to God’s surprises.

Time to Go Out into the World

During finals week in the spring of 2016, I was also interviewing for jobs at different funeral homes. Thankfully, by the time the semester ended, I had already been hired to work at a mortuary in Montebello, California. I had always been interested in serving grieving families and working in a funeral home, and I believed my pastoral experience would be of great help during such difficult moments. The week after leaving the seminary, I began working.

The commute to the funeral home required sacrifice, but life is full of sacrifices. In fact, sacrificing something often makes room for something better. As the weeks passed and I experienced the real challenges of daily life, I began to appreciate seminary life even more. I had truly been blessed and lacked nothing during my formation. Life outside the seminary is not easy—it is real. If I trusted God’s providence then, I now fully surrendered my needs to Him. I felt life’s struggles even more when it came time to find a place to live and eventually change jobs. I needed more hours to pay rent and cover necessities. Life was real. Yet, this is what people face every day. I wanted to bring hope to others; instead, God wanted me to learn how to hope myself.

Although it has not been easy, when I reflect on my life and what I have experienced, I can truly say that God has blessed me. Over these three years, I have learned many things that I might not have learned had I remained in the seminary. I speak only for myself—this is my story. I have no regrets, because God has been with me and has taught me to conform my will to His. It took time to adjust to this new reality. I was no longer a seminarian, but I remained a child of God. Seminary provided me with solid formation, and although this new stage of life is different, it has also been formative.

Encountering the real lives of the people I once imagined serving as a priest helped me understand myself better. I now accept that whether I am a seminarian, priest, or layperson, life remains fragile. We all share this condition. Leaving the seminary enriched my spiritual and emotional life, especially in three profound ways. When I close my eyes, I name them: I am fragile. I have fallen in love. God has opened my mind.

Life Is Fragile

We are all fragile—and I am no exception. No matter my vocation or social status, life has taught me that I am fragile and will always be learning. Many times in seminary, I believed nothing could diminish my pastoral zeal—neither illness, nor fatigue, nor sadness. I was wrong. This journey has repeatedly led me to look at Christ on the cross and accept my own frailty. There is no escaping it; I must embrace it.

Working at the funeral home taught me that every case carried a unique story, yet all shared one thing in common: fragility. This reality challenged me, but it also brought deep blessings. I learned that I can either count my problems or count my blessings by turning to God. My moments of weakness have become channels for God’s grace. While this is not easy, I am learning to see beyond hardship and trust in God’s providence. Suffering reminds me that this world is not our final destination. My fragility has become a sign of my belonging to God. Living in the world has immersed me in life’s real struggles, teaching me that it is okay to be fragile. Looking at Jesus on the cross confirms this truth. And just as God raised Jesus, He will raise me as well.

Love

As Father Arrupe says, “Nothing is more practical than finding God.” Falling in love helped me do just that. While I loved my work in seminary, this experience invited me to embrace love fully. Loving someone deeply enriched me spiritually and emotionally. Love is not easy—it requires work and vulnerability. Love hurts, yet it brings meaning.

This relationship revealed both my strengths and limitations. I learned that love does not have to be perfect—only sincere. Adjusting to the rhythm of a relationship was challenging after living a celibate life, but it taught me self-love and acceptance. Saint Paul reminds us that without love, we are nothing—and this is what I learned outside the seminary. True love requires sacrifice. It seeks the good of the other, even when it means letting go. Though painful, it brings peace. Even though this relationship did not continue, I remain grateful for what God taught me: true love transforms everything.

God Has Opened My Mind

Blessed be God. God has no limits, but we do. I once viewed the world only through religion, not faith. Faith taught me to see others as God sees them—His sons and daughters. Working in the funeral home and as a hospital chaplain taught me to look beyond religious divisions. God is greater than our categories. God is Love, Wisdom, and Mercy beyond comprehension.

This journey opened my heart and expanded my understanding. God invited me to encounter Him in ways I once resisted—and I am grateful.

This is a reflection on the work God has done in my life. I am truly happy. God has guided me with purpose, and He has never failed me. If I could offer one piece of advice, it would be this: Love your story. God is writing it, and as long as He is part of it, you are walking toward true happiness.

God bless you on your journey. Own it.